The Physical hears or learns by literal communication but speaks with an inferred language. Conversely, the Emotional hears/learns through inferred language but speaks literally. For example; My wife (the physical)will ask during an argument, “So, where are you?” This is of course a question with an inferred meaning of: Where do we stand in our relationship? So I (the Emotional) say back to her literally and sarcastically I might add, “I’m sitting right here. What do you mean?” So what’s happening is that not only is there a fight about whatever the issue is at hand but, there’s also a battle over whose method of communication will be used. You can see how this allows for easy escalation of the situation.
The question is often asked, “Why do we use the term physical/emotional to describe these personalities?” The answer is that the Physical expresses his/her emotions physically whereas the Emotional withdraws into him/herself when they feel emotion. You may recognize these traits when a person experiences rejection. The physical will become more aggressive and come forward, but the emotional will become more passive and withdraw. The physical thrives on confrontation and emotional avoids it at all costs. The more the physical comes forward the more the emotional will withdraw. So, to the physical, if you ever hear the emotional say during an argument, “Ok, fine.” That doesn’t mean that everything is fine. That means watch your back. Although the emotional appears to have backed down and run away, this is not the case. They will find a way to express themselves at a later time. Did I mention that these two personalities are attracted to each other?…
In the beginning all that we tend to see is what we like about a person. The mystery about them, they’re so different and interesting, but as the relationship progresses and we learn more about the person we begin to focus on what we don’t like about them. Let’s ask ourselves what is it that we don’t like about this person? I’ll tell what it is…they’re not like us. We then begin a process of turning this person into ourselves and then we complain that there’s no excitement in the relationship. Well, duh, you’re dating yourself!
So the next time you get into an argument with someone you love step back and ask yourself, “Am I pushing too hard or am I withdrawing too deeply? Am I the Physical or the Emotional?” A key to effective communication is understanding This will begin to help you guide the resolution of the conflict to a desirable result.
Till the next time,