Language Art (The art of Language)

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it?  No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages.  Well guess what, you were.

This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments.  The key is to first be a good listener.  We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.

For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says.  I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it.  I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction.  I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc.  It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying.  No, whoever said that was lying.  Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist.  Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two.  A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.”  They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.

The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?”  “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something.  You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.

The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic.  This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?”  Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.”  Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.

When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages.  The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.

So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them.  They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.

That’s all for now.  Happy communicating.

– Dehypnotize

13 responses to “Language Art (The art of Language)

  1. I’ve found that an easy way to get insight on someone’s preferred modality is to ask them how they like to get directions… Do they prefer looking at a map? Visualizing the landmarks? Written directions they can read? Or having someone tell them or go with them?

    Great article- thanks for your insight on how it can help us ‘win’ arguments.

  2. I really enjoyed this post and could totally see where I fit into it. I do unfortunately do a little of each but I definately don’t ever look people in the eyes and lean to a side if I am trying to seriously listen to them. Otherwise I start noticing the look on their face or how they did their make up or their hair. Whatever it is will distract me from really listenign to them! Thanks so much for this post.

  3. In an argument it seems like there is a lot of talking past each other. I’ll look for these signs, it’ll help me focus on what the other person is saying, and how they are saying it without jumping straight to my point.

  4. Very cool! Your communication tools rawk!

    Off topic, but I am new here and wondering how to make a home page and about page without leaving a shadow about page and how to get photos in a post. Any code I place whether html or javascript shows up as code. Thanks! If you want to email me, I’m on gmail by the same name. Glad you found my blog so I could find yours!

  5. Interesting! I, too, am very auditory in my preferences. That can be confusing and easily misinterpreted by others because if I am really engaged or want to ‘listen better,’ I will close my eyes (or I will want to). I was listening to a poetry reading this past weekend, and all the movement in the room was so distracting – and the words from the poet were so rich and enticing – I wanted to close my eyes so that I could attend to them – take them in ‘in full.’ But I am aware that closing my eyes can either make it appear that I am “sleeping” or “bored”…. which is in fact the opposite of the truth! Anyhow – to avoid those misinterpretations (especially since I was in the role of host at this particular event), I try to keep my eyes open and ‘connected.’ I’ve never thought about why I have this inclination before – or how others might be different in their listening preferences, for that matter. Thanks for the post!

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