I Got Caught On FB

Once upon a long, long time ago  I started a FB conversation with a coworker. She dressed provocatively, was out spoken and needed to be the center of attention (physical) just like I like’em.  Our conversation began to escalate into flirting a little more each time we spoke until one day…

It was a cold rainy morning…my wife works from home so as was her normal routine; she got up, performed her morning duties and went downstairs to her office.  I figured I’d get a few more minutes before logging onto FB to chat with a ‘friend’, then head off to work myself.  Upon, logging into my account, it seems that I’m already having a conversation with my ‘friend’ and its been going on for a while now.  “Oh my god,” I think to myself.

I immediately type into the chat: Hey, I gotta run I’ll talk to you later.  As I started to read all the posts my heart raced faster.  A lump swelled in my throat as I tried to swallow the realization of what was to come.  By a hair’s width of saving grace, I had only been having topical flirtatious conversation with her…up to that point.  However, this didn’t curb the enthusiasm of chaos that would ensue. As you can guess, I was torn a new one.  It took several months before we were able to totally resolve that issue because…I got caught talking to her again! (Smh)  I was actually trying to break it off with her gently, but she wasn’t having it.  Finally, I had to become rude to get the point across.

Now I knew I was wrong, so why, why did I feel the need to cause such mayhem in my home?  What was it about this girl who made me willing to sacrifice all that I had just for conversation?  It was the thrill of sneaking that FB provides that overwhelms logical thought. Well, after not speaking to her for a while I saw her again in passing.  She looked totally different to me than she did when we first met.  The conversation was less than exciting and I got this feeling of…”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” The thrill was gone.  The taboo that once was, was no more.  It made me stop to think of how many times I’ve actually met some one that I was loony over at first, that later turned out to be just another person with issues like me.

See, our emotions are very powerful and very tricky.  They can make you see things that aren’t really there, feel things that you can’t explain and cause us to act out in very unusual manners.  Nothing is stronger to us than our emotions so, in order to control them, you have to out smart them.  Know your areas of weakness and avoid situations that allow your weaknesses to manifest themselves.

I am happy to say that, that was the last FB incident and I have started to see things from the end of the situation to the beginning.  That was a task let me tell you.  I’m no different than anyone else, I can be as good as the best of them or as bad as the worst…I only ‘choose’ to be better now.  If we could all see the consequences of our actions before we make these decisions…our lives would be a lot better off.  The funny thing is for the most part we could if we only tried and put our emotions and feelings on punishment.  Bad emotions! Bad!

Thanks for listening

-Dehypnotize

42 responses to “I Got Caught On FB

  1. that happened to me as well! i also have deleted my facebook, but only to ease the mind of my husband. when you know something that you’re doing is not setting well with your mate you change and do things differently. that keeps down confusion and makes for less breakups or divorces.

  2. The temptation to reach out to people on Facebook (or other social networking sites) is extremely great. I’ve been on the positive end of things as well as the negative with online flirting; thankfully my most recent encounter was positive, as it’s how I snagged my husband. I do have to admit though, when we began flirting casually on MySpace, I was dating someone at the time. The only reason I don’t feel guilty about it is because my relationship with the guy I was seeing wasn’t serious and we had no expectations of the other person other than a heads up if we decided to pursue things with someone else.

    I could go on forever about this topic 🙂

  3. So many people can learn from this and how it can apply to all areas of their life… if only they are wise enough to realize they need to. Smart words, awesome wisdom, and a great lesson. Thank you…

  4. erm this is so weird to read days after I actually caught the husband in a conversation that was past that “cheeky” point.
    It may be a conversation but I am still lost for words.
    Thanks for helping me see there is a few positives in it all too.
    xxx

  5. I’m totally with you there, buddy. I have this friend from Australia that I’m always, always flirting with… Well, actually, it’s gone back and forth between flirting and dirty talking, but it was only for a thrill. Even though I am currently in love with someone but we agree to be friends until we are both ready, I still flirt with the Aussie. He even makes dirty comments on my wall, photos, or statuses, but the guy I want is very understanding. He understands what type of person I am, so… I’m good, at least, for now. 😉

  6. It’s not just Facebook. There are so many digital ways to connect with the opposite sex. If you’re looking in any way, you’ll end up finding someone who will bite. But our spouses bite harder! 🙂

  7. Loved your honesty and introspection. Thank you for sharing. I speak to people all the time, family, friends both old and new. Maybe it is me but have simply never felt any compelling urge to step over the line in these conversations. I understand it I suppose, just don’t feel the compulsion.

  8. Awesome share! I’ve never used facebook for such things, it’s friends, family and readers/followers only but as a single woman, was on dating sites where married men finally exposed themselves through the patterns/time of their “availability” which was confirmed when I asked: “Are you married?” They vanish. Luckily. I have no time for deceit of any kind especially on the front end of things, it does not bode for a happy future for anyone. I did manage to probe into the mind of one and asked him: why are you even on here? It led to a lengthy conversation that took him places he did not anticipate going. This conversation took about a week and I learned a lot about his psyche, his motivation but when it was all said and done, cheating is still cheating. Cyber, real world or not. He ended up closing his account and thanking me for letting him share so openly. You’d be surprised to find that you can probably share all of this with your own wife is just one of the things I told him. At least he was willing to try. Kudos for your backbone in sharing so openly, where many still nurture a wishbone.

  9. We are all human… unfortunately the cyber world is a hard one to control; mainly due to the lack of inhibitions people have when they are chatting on-line. Is it because the need to find an outlet; fantasy or escape greater than before. Now people are using the social networks to “socialise” it has opened a can of worms as to the “do’s” and “don’ts” and the rules are very hazy. I have often had co-workers saying things to me online in “chat” that they would never say to me face to face… and nor do I want them to!!! DELETE LOL

  10. I saw this story play out at work with a different ending. Woman dressed to attract bantered with older man who loved the attention. The banter over email went far beyond the line of professional. The woman got upset over office politics and company direction regarding her job so made a sexual harassment charge on the man, recruiting two other women to join her complaint. IT pulled up the emails, HR heard all sides, and the result was ugly: one of the recruited women were fired, the other disciplined, the central woman resigned, and the man was disciplined. He had to face his wife. The company lost two people, had morale issues for awhile as everyone processed it, and work quality suffered for awhile. Seriously not worth it!

  11. great post! ive been in a similar situation – ”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” – hahhah almost verbatim what i said!!

  12. Scott, great post. I think what you wrote about is one of the real dangers of the internet. The question is ask every day. Is it cheating if it is only on the computer. I think most people would say no unless they are the left out party.

    gary

  13. Great post. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason. How we choose to utilize that experience is up to us. As time from the incidents increase, our perspectives widen and hopefully we’ll see how a particular event/episode plays out in the bigger schemes of our lives. Thanks for sharing this. Can’t imagine it was easy to do so.

  14. Wow, I really am slow because all this time I have been using FB to keep up with classmates, family and friends. Who knew? lol Apparently not me. I know of situations that have arisen because of FB but I feel to an extent that it has to do with people not being honest with eachother in the first place. FB is just another tool but without it, people would still find themselves in situations that would come back to haunt them later. Now as I finished reading your post, I thought of an addict, who tries hard to stay away from his addiction. Not saying you are one…….but curious. I thought you were introverted. LOL. Watch out for those women, you can never trust a big but and a smile.

    • Lol…I am an introvert. She made the move on me…and as an introvert I do very well talking on the phone or by writing but I’m horrible in person…ha. And no I’m not an addict….anymore. lol

      • What is amazing to me is that I think that women need to be more honest with themselves when it comes to men flirting and/or cheating. We know that it happens but try and pretend that our man wouldn’t do it. I believe that it starts with being honest with ourselves and when men come to us to tell us what they did and truly listen and then talk through everything, things might not be as bad as what is perceived. It may not mean that he doesn’t love her anymore or the end of the relationship, just stepping out of the box for a minute or two. I hope I am relaying this properly. Not sure…

      • Yep, I totally get it, I actually pratice it now. I made a shirt that says… To be honest is hard…but being honest makes it easier. Men typically lie because they’re not willing to deal with the consequences of telling the truth. Sometimes the truth is…honey you’re not satisfying me in the bedroom so I’m going out to get a little bit to bridge that gap. I do love you and would have my life no other way but I don’t want to leave you because you don’t satisfy me like I need you to. Well, I don’t too many men or women that would say to that…ok I understand that I just wanted to know the truth. Not saying that there’s not one person that would be ok with that but I don’t know any. So I get it and I agree, it’s just a hell of a lot easier said than done…but it is possible.

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