For anyone that has read my earlier posts, you know that when I say Emotional that means the introvert and the physical is the extrovert. As I see the divorce rate climb and new marriage rate fall, I thought I’d discuss an issue that is most times overlooked when trying to find a cause for this trend. This is my letter to the emotional father:
Dear Emotional Father,
Someone does get you. The place of solitude where you reside is only mental incarceration when not used for positive means. You are very thoughtful when others are not and although you don’t show it, you know that you care even more than most. People don’t understand that your silence is your stress release and deny you your time to unwind. They don’t understand that when the ride in the car gets quiet it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong it’s just that you’re thinking more intently about the conversation. Your patience is unmatched and people always find you easy to talk to or a great listener. Emotional father…I get it!
Now that we’ve established that, let me explain to you how to make your life a lot easier. First of all in your home, you must, must, must become more verbal about your feelings toward your family! You must, must, must begin to physically interact with your family more. Wrestle, hug, kiss etc. human beings need affection and physical contact to survive and someone has chosen to get that from you! Although you may say I’m just not good with that, its only because that’s how you were taught to communicate (fake it till you make it). Believe it or not you can become a more sociable person. You will never change into a completely different person, but you can modify your behavior as it is now. Your, daughter needs it, your son needs it, your wife needs it! The alternative to this is to continue to have a disfunctional family. Your wife and your child are doing things that you have no idea about because they’re keeping things inside ..just…like…you!
Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with how the other doesn’t know how to communicate? What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right! But that doesn’t make them wrong. The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is. Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it. It’s that simple. This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.
So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes. If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else. At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!
The Physical Father will be the next post…