The Emotional Father…

For anyone that has read my earlier posts, you know that when I say Emotional that means the introvert and the physical is the extrovert.  As I see the divorce rate climb and new marriage rate fall, I thought I’d discuss an issue that is most times overlooked when trying to find a cause for this trend.  This is my letter to the emotional father:

Dear Emotional Father,

Someone does get you.  The place of solitude where you reside is only mental incarceration when not used for positive means.  You are very thoughtful when others are not and although you don’t show it, you know that you care even more than most.  People don’t understand that your silence is your stress release and deny you your time to unwind.  They don’t understand that when the ride in the car gets quiet it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong it’s just that you’re thinking more intently about the conversation.  Your patience is unmatched and people always find you easy to talk to or a great listener.  Emotional father…I get it!

Now that we’ve established that, let me explain to you how to make your life a lot easier.  First of all in your home, you must, must, must become more verbal about your feelings toward your family!  You must, must, must begin to physically interact with your family more.  Wrestle, hug, kiss etc.  human beings need affection and physical contact to survive and someone has chosen to get that from you!  Although you may say I’m just not good with that, its only because that’s how you were taught to communicate (fake it till you make it).  Believe it or not you can become a more sociable person.  You will never change into a completely different person, but you can modify your behavior as it is now.  Your, daughter needs it, your son needs it, your wife needs it!  The alternative to this is to continue to have a disfunctional family.  Your wife and your child are doing things that you have no idea about because they’re keeping things inside ..just…like…you!

Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with how the other doesn’t know how to communicate?  What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right!  But that doesn’t make them wrong.  The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is.  Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it.  It’s that simple.  This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.

So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes.  If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else.  At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!

The Physical Father will be the next post…

Dehypnotize –

Related Topics: Emotional Mother, Physical (over protective) Father, Physical Mother

25 responses to “The Emotional Father…

  1. I can so relate to this, I have this relationship with my family,I try to learn their way of communicating,but its nat encouraging,cos whatever I say is used against me,they always seem to think I’m not good enough or my decision is not best just bcos I am the last child,but still I take care of myself and even them more than the older children…….I really am tired of trying,its a shame,I’m happier outside my family than with them,I love them the most,and they make me sad the most,every reaction or look on their face means a lot to me,and it affects me,I’m so confused as to how I can make us work,but they don’t even try………and its the culture,the African culture,your parents/guardian/elder ones draw the final line………..sometimes I can tell I irritate them just being in the house,nothing kills me more,I’m wondering if there’s ever a time I’d tell them how I feel……..but I’m sure its never cos,that’s just how it is,I can talk,I just listen!

    • Hey Allison, thank you for coming back!! What you’re experiencing (in my opinion)is the battle against self. Believe it or not most people don’t get along with their families because they’re just like each other…trust me. I come from a religious background and I have nine brothers and sisters! i know what you mean when you say you can’t get a word in…lol. However, now that we’ve all gone our seperate ways…I love them to death..(except one brother…lol nah just kidding.) I’d say since you know how your family is, this gives you the advantage, you can take them in the little doses that work for you. A teacher gave me this phrase and I’ll give it to you…”Allow others to be in control of their own issuses!” Negativity is a lot stronger than positivity (I know people would disagree) you have to be extra, extra positive to counter a negative. So, the next time you start to get into it with someone…step back and allow them to be themselves. You can get across to anyone, anything you want if you …speak ‘their’ language…this again is just my opinion. Thanks again for stopping by!

  2. Hey, this is very thought provoking. I have never thought about it that way: Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it. I like that and I get it!

  3. wow. can i just say wow. this was such a truly profound post. i love how you utilize psychology to view the “emotional father’s” reaction in a different light. normally people would see him as cold and unfeeling and i love how you took the time to look into his motives as actually stemming from an emotional place and to reach out to him in a way that could potentially work.

    love it. totally love it. thanks for exposing me to this. i can now add it to my mental storage of really awesome perspectives and utilize it for potential advice-giving material.

  4. I really enjoy your passion when discussing emotion. I was fortunate enough to have an emotional father who learned how to communicate his love beautifully. He is one of the reasons that I am able to feel empathy towards others strongly and admit fully that I am an emotional person. Expressing emotion is a healthy way to know who you are and what you want out of life because you feel everything honestly and fully in the present. Thanks for the post!

  5. Pingback: The Emotional Father « Lionessallison's Blog

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