Is child molestation a norm?

I know this may sound a little weird to ask but, let me explain why I do.  Recently I conducted a survey of clients I see periodically and found that around six out of ten of these clients had been abused or molested as a child…….six out of ten!  Now this is obviously not a national or official report but still worth noting.  For me, I’ve been in a state of shock to find it so common in our society.  I guarantee that you know someone that has been abused or that has abused.

It’s said that not all that have been abused turn out to become abusers but those that do abuse have most likely been abused.  I’ve written about this before but it just won’t go away.  The scary part about it is that most that have been abused are too afraid or embarrassed to talk about it, so that means that there are tons more that go unaccounted for.  It really breaks my heart into pieces to imagine anyone having to experience such atrocities.  This behavior is akin to a virus, once you’re infected, you’ll most likely infect someone else too.

Even for those that are able to maintain a somewhat normal existence, it becomes a burden on any relationship they have; friends, family.  The people around them just think the person is crazy or is just like that but that’s not always the case.  The person even believes that this is just their normal behavior and everyone should stop being so sensitive.  I heard recently that a reality t.v. actress had a mild heart attack and was rushed to the hospital clinging to life.  This same actress revealed that she’d been taken advantage of at an early age and was just beginning to seek counsel for it.  I don’t that the heart attack was related to this, I was just trying to give you an idea which actress I’m referring to.  I bring her up because if you see the way she communicates with everyone on the show you’ll see  that she seems to be a very angry person.  Once she revealed her past it all made sense, she taking out the rage she had towards her offender on everyone around her.  How many relationships or friendships do you think were ruined throughout her lifetime because of this.  When someone abuses a child they affect more than just that child, they affect an entire generation.

Thankfully there is an antidote. Talk about it!  Talking about it exposes the person doing it… they need help and so do you.  If you’ve experienced abuse in your past, please seek counsel as soon as you can, it will release you of a burden you were unjustly given to carry.

Seeing a therapist doesn’t make you crazy…not seeing one does.


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30 responses to “Is child molestation a norm?

  1. I don’t believe it is that it is happening more, I think it is that as a society it is becoming easier to talk about it.

    I know a family that the mother was abused by her father, then her daughter was abused by her grandfather 15 years after. I know another family where a woman was abused by her father, later in life raped by a co-worker, was married had a daughter that was then molested by her husband. In all of the people I know personally it was not a matter of the abused becoming an abuser.

    I think we live now in a society where it is considered an illness to be morally depraved. People will continue to engage in these acts as long as there are crutches for them to blame it on. If they’d break the cycle by admitting fault instead of using the cop-out of “It’s okay because it’s an illness” I think we’d see a lot less of these things.

    Just my opinion, great post though.

  2. It is not a norm and should never be considered such, under any circumstances… not even for the sake of argument. It IS far too common and it’s unfortunate that anyone makes excuses for these people, such as calling it a sickness. It’s sick and selfish and cruel… I don’t ever want to know anyone who would do this to a child… except maybe just long enough to erase them.

    • Hex, thanks for your reply on this. I think it is VERY important to get this issue out in the open. Regardless of what label you place on it is an issue that needs dire attention. Unfortunately you can’t go around killing anyone with mental issues. We all have undesirable behavior to someone, should we be killed off as well? Lastly, its that very position that keeps these offenders hiding…

      • I didn’t say we. That thought goes back to part of my most recent post. “We” definitely need to make some changes to eliminate this and some other very important abuse issues. People are getting away with this business all the time. Trying to find them all and kill them is obviously not the answer to the problem… I simply make no promises about my restraint if faced with trying to protect a child from one of these monsters.
        I don’t think consequences are what keep these people in hiding though… I think it’s the danger that we might make them knock it off.

      • Ok, this, I agree with you. I just think we have to expose this virus and eliminate it. I have the same passion as you when it comes to thisbut so has everyone before us and it hasn’t changed a thing. So it might be time to take a different approach. Thanks again Hex!

  3. Child Molestation isn’t the norm, but unfortunately it seems that everyone knows at least one person that was or will be Molested as a child. Seeking help through what ever means heals you is the important thing. Conquering is what we are made to do and the effects of the molestation upon a child can be battled and defeated one thought at a time.

  4. I think it is far more prevalent than people want to admit. And as long as we remain a society that blames victims, it will continue.

    I worked with kids who had been abused. They’re not pretty. They’re like Precious in Push. They’re easy to ignore or push away or blame. They are angry, and out of that anger they say and do nasty things. They don’t fit in and do the things society expects, or they become such pleasers that that’s ALL they do is try to please others.

    I’ve also worked with perpetrators. And on the whole they seem to be more socially acceptable. They are affable. Pleasant. Intelligent. Conniving. They make it easy for us to like them. And easy to look past that nagging feeling in our gut that something’s not quite right.

    So maybe it is normal.

    • This is exactly my point. It’s making me re-evaluate the ‘human being’… are we all the upstanding citizens that we appear to be? Child abuse is only one issue in a plethera of disgraces we put up with. I really appreciate your view and commenting!!

  5. When I talked to my friends and told them I was getting sexually abused, which was ten years ago, I found out that most of them had gotten abused, too. It was shocking. They just don’t tell anyone and have a hard time telling. When I told them what was happening to me, that was the only time they decided to share what was happening to them–when they found someone who was going through the same thing. It’s sad how some people don’t seek counsel for it. I was abused as a child and I thought I was over it but when I got into a relationship, I figured I hadn’t gotten over the abuse at all after all. It resurfaces.

    • Hey Kageshoujo, thank you for your courage in sharing your story. I wish I could snap my fingers and take away all the hurt and memories of that happening, but I only have limited powers…:-) I come from a physically abusive family myself. I left home at 15 after not being able to cope with the beatings any longer. What’s worse is that in my community this is largely accepted and you’re considered strange if your parents didn’t beat the crap out of you. However, there is one thing that I’d like you to consider and that is, we remember the bad things that happen to us more than the good and that’s due to the emotional stress we were under at the time. Good things don’t carry as much emotional weight and therefore don’t stay with us as long. It would be impossible to forget something like this but we do have the ability to disolve the emotional ties to it and start to let the healing process begin. We were involved in a hit and run accident… the offenders are not coming back to give us their insurance info… Though incredibly easier said than done, we must forgive and move on, not for them but to release this burden we’ve carried around for so long. Thank you again for sharing your story and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

      • Well, it ended smashingly. The guy who abused me was my cousin. Later on he had miraculously admitted to it to his family and to my parents. I’d been enduring his sexual abuse for a year, keeping quiet because I didn’t want to destroy the relationships of our families. It surprised me that he admitted. He asked for my forgiveness and I was able to give it wholeheartedly because I ended up admiring him for his courage to tell the truth and come clean and claim responsibility for it. We are better friends now. But I realize I am lucky. Not every offender is as noble as him. For my friends, their offenders have never sought forgiveness and they still carry around the burden in their hearts. It’s sad.

        The abuse resurfaced in my head when I got into a relationship because I feared he’d just use me for sex. Sometimes I forget why I loved him because the fear takes over.

      • That’s great! I’m so glad to hear it! You’re right most don’t end this way and it’s so good that he was able to make things at least a little better. As far as the resurfacing, this is a normal response; the incredibly good thing about this is that you’re aware of how it affected you. This doesn’t mean all is well and there won’t be mistakes along the way but it does mean that you are no longer a slave to it and have overcome it! I am sooo happy for you and I wish you the best in your relationship.

      • One other thing…maybe you should write about your experience, if you haven’t already. As you said there were others around you that had been through the same thing and are still carrying that burden around. Maybe you story could help them and many others…just a thought. 🙂

  6. One place that seems to be immune to acknowledging a problem with this type of abuse is the church. Many people have come forward with stories about priests and nothing has been done to really acknowledge this within the church. The church feels they are above any kind of consequence, so they act is if they can throw money at the victims and sweep it under the rug. Throughout history, the church has been the biggest abusers of all the existing commandments. Go figure…..I guess only the people at the bottom of the totem pole have to follow their rules. If God speaks through them, then there is no problem.

  7. I just watched a TV show a couple of days ago about child sexual abuse. And believe me, the statistics are so shocking!! About 52% people in India are victims of child sexual abuse.
    I had a very normal childhood. But I’ve seen abusive families and I just don’t understand the whole logic behind doing that!! The world needs more awareness!!!

  8. I believe it may be as high as 9 out of 10. The reason is there are so many children who don’t know they are being molested. I didn’t know myself until I was 17 and happened to wake up to my father’s hand inside my underwear. Turns out, he had been doing it for quite sometime when my mom confronted him about it. He said he had not done it for almost a year but saw an opportunity and a “can’t miss” chance. Well, he did miss and was convicted to prison once all the truth came out. So, what I am saying is, what if my father did not touch me that last time ? I would never have found out. Some kids will never know, and it is so hard to live for 18 years and never once be molested, if even for just a minute. Thanks for writing about this topic. Lindsey

    • Hey Lindsey, I’m so sorry to hear this. It just seems so surreal that this is so prevalent in our society… and they wonder why it’s so hard to be in relationships. I cetainly hope that you’ve spoken with someone professionally about this and encourage others to speak out as well. The more we talk about it the more comfortable others become talking about it. Thanks for stopping by and for your courage in sharing your story!

  9. You are absolutely correct in the fact that not only one life is changed but many. For the abused, it is in my opinion that to let the healing begin, is to accept the fact that it is apart of your past. It is extremely difficult to do that but the only question against it is, will you allow that moment/moments affect your future because you can only see yourself as the victim? From observing situations such as this I can honestly say that unless the person is willing to speak against the abuser there is no choice to allow closure to begin.

    • Hey Destiny,
      Thank you, for dropping by and sharing your heart felt wisdom and insight on a topic not discussed enough today. I look foward to reading more from you on this and other topics as well!

  10. There is a difference between forgiveness and justice. Aww sweet he admitted and she forgave – but he never paid the price that our society set up for abusers. This sounds mean, I don’t mean it to, but as long as cases of abuse stay out of the courts they will continue to abuse. As long as there are no consequences outside of family or the church they will abuse again. I’m glad she forgave – forgiveness is essential whether there is justice or not, but as a society we cannot tolerate people breaking the law and then having it swept under the law because they were “forgiven”. These have to be, must be two separate issues. Some churches force those who are abused to ask for forgiveness. Some families and churches blame the abused for leading the abuser on. All of this perpetuates cycles of abuse. I know that often justice comes at the price of family – I get that because I have lived that, but in the greater scheme of living in a society justice may just spare another family from living through this horror.

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