Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it? No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages. Well guess what, you were.
This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments. The key is to first be a good listener. We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.
For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says. I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it. I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction. I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc. It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying. No, whoever said that was lying. Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist. Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two. A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.” They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.
The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?” “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something. You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.
The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic. This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?” Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.” Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.
When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages. The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.
So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them. They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.
That’s all for now. Happy communicating.