I Got Caught On FB

Once upon a long, long time ago  I started a FB conversation with a coworker. She dressed provocatively, was out spoken and needed to be the center of attention (physical) just like I like’em.  Our conversation began to escalate into flirting a little more each time we spoke until one day…

It was a cold rainy morning…my wife works from home so as was her normal routine; she got up, performed her morning duties and went downstairs to her office.  I figured I’d get a few more minutes before logging onto FB to chat with a ‘friend’, then head off to work myself.  Upon, logging into my account, it seems that I’m already having a conversation with my ‘friend’ and its been going on for a while now.  “Oh my god,” I think to myself.

I immediately type into the chat: Hey, I gotta run I’ll talk to you later.  As I started to read all the posts my heart raced faster.  A lump swelled in my throat as I tried to swallow the realization of what was to come.  By a hair’s width of saving grace, I had only been having topical flirtatious conversation with her…up to that point.  However, this didn’t curb the enthusiasm of chaos that would ensue. As you can guess, I was torn a new one.  It took several months before we were able to totally resolve that issue because…I got caught talking to her again! (Smh)  I was actually trying to break it off with her gently, but she wasn’t having it.  Finally, I had to become rude to get the point across.

Now I knew I was wrong, so why, why did I feel the need to cause such mayhem in my home?  What was it about this girl who made me willing to sacrifice all that I had just for conversation?  It was the thrill of sneaking that FB provides that overwhelms logical thought. Well, after not speaking to her for a while I saw her again in passing.  She looked totally different to me than she did when we first met.  The conversation was less than exciting and I got this feeling of…”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” The thrill was gone.  The taboo that once was, was no more.  It made me stop to think of how many times I’ve actually met some one that I was loony over at first, that later turned out to be just another person with issues like me.

See, our emotions are very powerful and very tricky.  They can make you see things that aren’t really there, feel things that you can’t explain and cause us to act out in very unusual manners.  Nothing is stronger to us than our emotions so, in order to control them, you have to out smart them.  Know your areas of weakness and avoid situations that allow your weaknesses to manifest themselves.

I am happy to say that, that was the last FB incident and I have started to see things from the end of the situation to the beginning.  That was a task let me tell you.  I’m no different than anyone else, I can be as good as the best of them or as bad as the worst…I only ‘choose’ to be better now.  If we could all see the consequences of our actions before we make these decisions…our lives would be a lot better off.  The funny thing is for the most part we could if we only tried and put our emotions and feelings on punishment.  Bad emotions! Bad!

Thanks for listening


Language Art (The art of Language)

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it?  No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages.  Well guess what, you were.

This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments.  The key is to first be a good listener.  We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.

For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says.  I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it.  I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction.  I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc.  It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying.  No, whoever said that was lying.  Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist.  Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two.  A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.”  They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.

The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?”  “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something.  You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.

The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic.  This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?”  Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.”  Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.

When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages.  The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.

So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them.  They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.

That’s all for now.  Happy communicating.

– Dehypnotize

The Silver Tongue

In high school I was the quiet type.  I envied the guys with the ‘silver tongue’ method of communicating; it seemed that they got all the women.  Now I had my share of girlfriends don’t get me wrong, but compared to these guys I was a ranked amatuer.  Most of the girls I dated was because they liked me first, then I’d learn to like them in return.  It seemed that I was doomed to the left overs of these egotistical word smiths. 

Until one day…I moved to a new city.  I could create a new identity and become the personality I admired from a diistance.  The city was overrun with beautiful single professional women.  A friend told me that all I needed to get a woman here was a nice haircut…Ha.  I was like a kid in a candy store…every size, shape or shade was there for the taking.  I didn’t know where to begin.  It didn’t matter, because in this city, the women were the agressors.  I thought it was a fluke that  nice looking women wanted to talk to me badly enough to innitiate conversation.  Once it happened five more times…I was convenced that I’d died and gone to heaven.  I never considered my self some god of good looks (and still don’t) but there were so many women that I was getting dates by default..lol.  Subsequently my plan to become this A type personality was thwarted.  Women actually liked that I was not like all the other guys that approached them…I was ‘different’ they’d say.  I had no idea that this world existed but I liked it to say the least.

At the end of the day I learned that you don’t have to be someone else to be successful in life…you only need to put yourself where your personality would be most effective.

P.S. The silver tongue method can be taught.

– Dehypnotize

You might be…ll

If you…

Like to  hang out and socialize but your mate always wants to stay home

Are the touchy-feely type and like to get close so people really understand you

Would like to…or do have sex three or more times a day

Are the first to speak when you think you know the answer

(Women) have more guy friends, play brothers and cousins than girl friends

(Men) need to hang out with the fellas at least twice a week


If you…

Would just like a quiet evening at home sometimes but your mate keeps pestering you to go out

After having sex would just like to be left alone

Like to just get to the point and can be spared the details

Like to wait a few days between sexual activities to allow the passion to rebuild

Really only have one true friend and you talk more to them about your problems than you do with your mate

Are terrified of being recognized in front of an audience


Most people thought that Brad and Jennifer made a great couple, unfortunately, they didn’t think so.  In a recent interview, Brad expressed that the relationship was boring.  I wonder why that was?  Because they are both emotionals.  Now look at how the relationship between he and Angelina is working out.  Because…Angelina is a physical.  You should consider this when choosing a mate, it will make your life a lot easier.  Can you think of any other famous physical/emotionals… here are a few I’ve come up with.

President Obama – Emotional       Michelle Obama – Physical

Will Smith – Emotional                   Jada – Physical

Stedman – Emotional                      Oprah – Physical

Kim – Emotional                              Kris – Physical

Tia -Emotional                                 Tamara – Physical

Ochocinco – Physical                       Evelyn – Physical ……hmm

Nick – Emotional                              Mariah – Physical

Frazier – Emotional                          Ali – Physical

Troy Davis (Capital Punishment)

Today two men are scheduled to be executed, Troy Davis in Georgia and Lawrence Russell Brewer in Texas.  If you’re not familiar with the cases of the aforementioned, I’ll give you a brief run down. – My thoughts and prayers are with the families involved.

Troy Davis was convicted of shooting an off-duty police officer in Savannah who was trying to help a homeless man being attacked by Davis and an accomplice.  The evidence in this case is based on eyewitness accounts which out of nine, seven have recounted their stories.  One witness is said to have heard another man, supposedly with Davis at the time, say that he was the one that pulled the trigger.  The case has been  appealed and stayed over the last few years but Davis seems to have run out of options.  If the Supreme Court does not stay the execution one final time Mr. Davis will be executed for the murder of police officer Mark MacPhail.

In the case of  Lawrence Russell Brewer, a white supremacist, the evidence of their crime was a little more concrete.  Brewer and two of his friends came about James Byrd Jr. on a dark, lonely road in Jasper, Texas.  Evidence showed that a fight ensued between the four men and Byrd was subsequently chained to the back of a pickup truck and dragged to his death.  I’ll spare you the grizzly details of the crime scene but needless to say, it was pretty gruesome.   – Mr. Brewer has been executed while I’m writing this blog.

While reading about the story of Troy Davis an, African-American, feelings of rage began to build inside of me.  I remembered all of the stories of racial injustice and inequality very well-known in the south.  As I continued to read on, the writer injects the story of Mr. Brewer – a White American, my thoughts immediately changed from anger to satisfaction.  I immediately stopped reading and began examining my own thoughts and feelings.

Let me make  clear my view of the death penalty.  I believe that if a person is evil and thoughtless enough to kill without remorse, they should be treated in the same fashion.  I know that’s not a popular view but even a sentence of life in prison allows the offender to endanger the lives of the other inmates. So it is my contention that if life meant so much to the offender they would’ve spared the life of the person the killed.

Why did I get a feeling of satisfaction for one execution but disdain for the other.   My first answer was that it was because the evidence against Davis was not concrete while the evidence against Brewer was overwhelming.  However, if I’m honest, race played a role in how I felt in each case.  So, I asked myself, would I feel the same about Davis if I knew that he was guilty and this is was my answer.  If Davis is in fact guilty, he deserves the same end as Brewer in Texas.  I stand by my statement that if you’re evil enough to take an innocent life then the world should be made safer by your absence.

It was eye-opening to hear the family of James Byrd plead for the life of Brewer to be spared and on the other hand hear the family of MacPhail plead  for the execution of Davis.

I’m not writing this to convince anyone to change their mind about whether the death penalty is right or wrong, rather to ask ourselves the question – what could ever make us want another person to die?


Have you ever thought about the fact that the only thing that separates how we feel on the inside from what we express on the outside is merely a very thin layer of skin…and for some of us hair.  Our eyes and ears record the stories of our lives.

Speaking of eyes, let’s start there. The eyes are like the lens of a camera and the brain a recording device. What the eyes see, the brain records for current or later use. Our brains are so powerful that we’re recording more than we can actually keep up with, but it’s still being recorded. The ears are the other key contributor here; they’re a function all to themselves.  You could very well be looking at someone but hear something completely different than what they said.  Now, the most intriguing part of this process to me is the transition between what went in and what comes out.  How we interpret and process what goes into us is what our lives are really all about. Its like we’re our own photo processing centers since no two people can physically see the same thing the same way; there become an infinite number of ways to see the same thing. So throughout our lives we’re constantly recording and storing data and emitting our interpretations of this data all over everyone else. Why do you think that is?

I see our minds as a sort of vortex. A place that an infinite amount of possibilities and realities all exist in the same place at the same time. However, what’s happening on the inside is affected by what’s going on outside. In other words aren’t we only products of what surrounds us?  All of our ups and downs are based on the environment that we find ourselves in; conversely the environment that we’re in is based on our decision to be there which was influenced by how we felt…

As I sit and write this blog I’m trying to get out of me the interpretation of a feeling that was created by afects around me as well.  There’s a riddle here to be solved.  How do I gain control of the world that is within when its being influenced by the world without?  Since babies we have strived to express what we felt inside to the world outside.  We dress up in our lies each morning and try to show that we have control over ourselves when just behind that thin layer of skin a plethera of feelings, thoughts and beliefs are dying to be exposed.

As I watch the process of the calamity that erodes the sanctity of the land in the Middle East, at times I almost find it funny how two peoples with (I’d put money on it) very similar DNA sequences, could hate one another so feverently.  This is all based on their belief systems and their insistance that everyone else possess the same.  We don’t even have to go that far to see this same behavior.  In our own homes, aren’t arguments simply that one person sees things differently than the other?

Time has a funny way of revealing things and it’s finally revealed to me that life is just the way we see it….

Do Men Have Cylces?

     As it relates to mood and sex,….sigh…yes, men do in fact have cycles.  In the emotionally sexual male it appears, at times, as a lack of interest in their partner.  It’s expressed as an over-active sex drive in the physically sexual male. By the way, women fall into one or the other category as well.

     Let’s start with the emotional.  As it relates to sex, the emotional operates somewhat like a battery; after being used, he may require time to recharge.  That’s not to say that they can’t perform everyday, it’s just not likely to be the same enegy level each time.  Each person’s cycle is different.  They could be on a 1-7 day cycle or more as I recently discovered while working with a client. 

     The emotional is typically not up for physical touch after sex.  They’ve had their fill of physical contact for that moment.  Touch feels irritating to them and their bodies may even tend to be cold, until their next cycle day.  So, how do you know when that ‘cycle day is?  When they begin to show more interest in you physically that’s a good indicator.  That’s when their batteries have fully recharged and they’re ready.

    Why is that?  Well, emotional’s are not as ’emotionally’ connected to their bodies as the physicals are; remember they internalize and analyze their feelings.  Therefore, the mind has to rejuvenate the body.  During this time don’t expect a lot of affection or attention… they are not ‘feeling it’. 

     The physical on the other hand expresses their emotions with their body so you may find that they can do it five times a day or more in some cases.  They don’t mind cuddling afterwards either, for the most part.  The cycle of the physical is much more frequent than that of the emotional.  They typically don’t ‘release’ as much as the emotional each time and are therefore able to release multiple times.  That’s not to say (again) that there’ll be fireworks each time; it’s just that its possible to do it.  The physical may become very irritated if they’re not able to release all of this energy within their cycle time frame; but more importantly, their physical body’s will display signs of stress… really.

      The key here is to understand your own behaviour or cycle in an effort to get it into sync with your partner’s.  The physical could indeed influence the emotional’s cycle by only approaching them only on their cycle days; which will require something that the physical typically runs short on…patience.  However, the sex will be ten times better, from there start approaching one day earlier and take the time to get them ‘warmed up’.  So now a seven-day cycle becomes a six-day and so on…

     In closing, no matter who or what you ultimately choose to be in relationship with, they’re going to be your opposite; that’s what attracted you to them.  This means that there will be issues. No Matter What!  So if you know this before hand, why not be prepared to solve them creatively as opposed to allowing your differences to end what always starts as a beautiful romance.

– Thanks Dr. Kappas

T Scott