The Run-Away Guest

     My wife invited a co-worker to our home the other day for a brief business meeting.  After sitting and discussing a pending sale for a few moments, the co-worker asks, “I’m sorry could I bother you for a drink?”  My wife, immediately apologizes for failing to offer before being asked and replies “Sure, of course!”  Before she’s able to complete the sentence, her guest pops up, walks up the stairs into the kitchen and finally into the refrigerator to claim her just reward. (Insert sound of tires screeching to a halt.)

     Now, I don’t know how you were raised but in our house it was forbidden and punishable by death to walk through someone’s house as a guest without first being invited to do so; let alone go into their refrigerator… please.  So my wife scurries to corral the run-away guest and helps her back to her ‘rightful’ place in the den with her drink in hand. 

     So, later that evening we began to discuss the event over dinner.  We had a similar up-bringing as it related to the matter so we both agreed that it was a little strange.  We then started to compare stories of other friends who’ve had similar experiences and their take on the matter.  Some people don’t seem to have an issue with this behavior and you could actually go into their homes and do the same thing, no problems.

     So, I started to look at the subconscious behavior behind the physical act.  She expressed that she wanted something and she got up and made it happen.  She didn’t wait for the moment to be just right, she didn’t even ask for directions to the kitchen, she just went for it.  That’s a learned behavior.  

    How many of us are sitting around waiting for that glass of water to be brought to us?  How much longer are you going to wait for it?  How would you know what was actually put into the glass?  And we looked at her as if she were the strange one….

T Scott

Can You Relate

     How many times have we heard that the most important thing in a relationship is communication?  Now, how many times have we been told what that means specifically?

    The concept of physical and emotional behavior created by Dr. John Kappas Ph.D, will allow us to understand more clearly what communication has meant to you and what it could mean to you going foward. You’ll wonder why no one has been talking about this before now.

     This concept is based on two individuals in a relationship described as dating, married, family friends  etc.  This includes traditional and same-sex relationships a like.  We traditionally have called these behaviors passive or aggressive however, this limits our understanding of what truly lies below the surface.

     Let’s begin with the emotional. We’d normally apply this type of behavior to women when in fact men or women may  display these same characteristics.  I’ll start by exposing differences between the two personalities then I’ll get into what these differences mean. 

     Who’s the person in your relationship that is normally the first to walk away from the argument and reply “Fine, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”? Who’s the one that is always complaining about being cut off during the argument? Who seems to be the most indecisive? Here’s a good one; who’s the one that’s always looking for the meaning behind the words or always trying to read between the lines? Do you see how these could apply to male of female?  These are just a few of the characteristics of  the emotional behavior.

     The Physical.  The physical is the one in the relationship that has to be the boss.  They’re normally the outgoing type.  They like to get all in your space when they’re talking.  They have to touch to communicate. They’re often accused of speaking without thinking or simply speaking too much.  They’re typically very fashion conscious.  Again this could apply to male or female.

     For some unknown reason, these two opposites attract each other and try to change one into the other… This is the beginning of all relationship issues!  Simply put, it’s not until we understand ourselves can we understand ourselves in a relationship. 

Stay tuned to learn more about how these personalities are developed and how they play off of each other.

T Scott