Lust is a passionate or overmastering desire or craving….(Physically)
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment… (Emotionally)
Lust is a passionate or overmastering desire or craving….(Physically)
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment… (Emotionally)
Although they have different meanings, these are both emotions that affect us in the short or long term. Lust takes control of our senses and won’t allow them to function properly; in other words lust is matter over mind. I think lust can be a good thing when it’s used correctly. I don’t subscribe to the idea that I was given the ability to feel extreme passion but if I feel it, it’s wrong.
As described in the definition, lust has to do with passion and passion is typically momentary. It’s not that you can be passionate about something over and over but it’s only in the moment that you feel it. The word itself comes with a negative stigma, placed there by someone who didn’t feel comfortable being overcome with passion. The problem with being overcome with passion is the decision-making process that follows. Typically there isn’t one. Once you’ve surrendered control to your feelings, logic takes a vacation; at least until the next morning.
Lust can make us do some silly things but love will make you do even worse things. This is why is hard for me to grasp the idea of love at first sight. In my opinion, there is no such thing. You can be extremely attracted to a person at first sight; however love is something that has to be built over time. This feeling gets confused with love often due to the ‘overmastering’ affect that it has on our emotions. I do believe that you can lust for a person and then grow to love them.
Love is like gravity, it’s comes across as a weak force but it’s ultimately what holds everything together. No matter how high our emotions may take us, love has a away of bringing us back to Earth. Love takes time because it requires understanding and this comes by way of experience; so how can you understand someone you don’t know or haven’t experienced?
So, don’t take the word love for granted, it is an investment of time, energy, sacrifice and so much more. Lust is simply a momentary feeling that once it’s gone has to be recreated by some other means. I believe that it causes more harm than good to tell ourselves that we’re wrong for having these feelings. Or better still that there’s a devil out there that’s causing us to feel the way we do. Just a bit of research would reveal why we see lust the way we do now; or why we view sex the way we do now.
If there is any wrong, it’s not understanding that these are human emotions and we all have them. The goal should be learning how and when to use them. If someone or something else causes your behavior, then you have no way of changing. However, when we take responsibility for our own actions change becomes inevitable.
For anyone that has read my earlier posts, you know that when I say Emotional that means the introvert and the physical is the extrovert. As I see the divorce rate climb and new marriage rate fall, I thought I’d discuss an issue that is most times overlooked when trying to find a cause for this trend. This is my letter to the emotional father:
Dear Emotional Father,
Someone does get you. The place of solitude where you reside is only mental incarceration when not used for positive means. You are very thoughtful when others are not and although you don’t show it, you know that you care even more than most. People don’t understand that your silence is your stress release and deny you your time to unwind. They don’t understand that when the ride in the car gets quiet it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong it’s just that you’re thinking more intently about the conversation. Your patience is unmatched and people always find you easy to talk to or a great listener. Emotional father…I get it!
Now that we’ve established that, let me explain to you how to make your life a lot easier. First of all in your home, you must, must, must become more verbal about your feelings toward your family! You must, must, must begin to physically interact with your family more. Wrestle, hug, kiss etc. human beings need affection and physical contact to survive and someone has chosen to get that from you! Although you may say I’m just not good with that, its only because that’s how you were taught to communicate (fake it till you make it). Believe it or not you can become a more sociable person. You will never change into a completely different person, but you can modify your behavior as it is now. Your, daughter needs it, your son needs it, your wife needs it! The alternative to this is to continue to have a disfunctional family. Your wife and your child are doing things that you have no idea about because they’re keeping things inside ..just…like…you!
Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with how the other doesn’t know how to communicate? What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right! But that doesn’t make them wrong. The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is. Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it. It’s that simple. This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.
So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes. If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else. At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!
The Physical Father will be the next post…
My postings about handwriting are not to turn anyone into an overnight graphologist…rather they are to bring attention to the amount of control our subconscious minds have over our everyday lives. Your handwriting will change over time and sometimes by the day, it’s all based on our current state. It’s important to understand how the subconscious mind operates, to proactively live your life as opposed to reacting to it. Too often we find ourselves in the midst of a situation asking,”How did I get here?” and “How do I get out of this one?”
Our subconscious minds run, arguably, around 90% of our daily operations. For example, have you ever been driving to a routine destination and once you get there you don’t remember the trip, or pass an exit while deep in thought about an issue? You were on auto-pilot, your subconscious was driving while you were off in wonderland. So how do we train our subconscious to aid in making our lives better? The same way we trained it to make our lives what they are now…repitition. Where we operate in our lives now is a direct result of what we’ve trained our minds to accept as ‘normal’. So, we are actually succesful in what we’ve conditioned and trained ourselves to be. So, if you’ve ever tried changing something about yourself but found that it just didn’t work, consider that 10% of your mind is fighting with the 90%…who do you think is going to win?
What does all of this have to do with handwriting? Our handwriting is merely a manifestation of our feelings on paper. It ultimately doesn’t matter what is written, you can tell how a person really feels by how they write. Because our handwriting is controlled by our subconscious we can consciously change our handwriting to affect changes in our behavior…I swear by this! No, it doesn’t happen overnight…it has to be exercised repeatedly. Each time you consciously remind yourself of why you’re writing differently it’s suggesting to your subconscious that it has to change… until it becomes automatic!
Here are some tips for change: (By the way Physical in my writings means extrovert and Emotional means introvert)
I would like to be more out going and extroverted (Want to be more of a Physical) : If your writing is small and leans to the left or straight up and down, write larger and lean your words more to the right. If your writing already fits this pattern, exaggerate it even more always keeping in mind why you’re doing it.
I would like to be less dramatic and take the time to think before I speak (Want to become more of an Emotional): Your writing is probably huge! Make a point to write smaller and sign your name smaller as well. Keeping in mind why you’re doing it each time.
I would like to feel more optimistic: When you write, slant all of your sentences upward…keeping in mind each time, why you’re doing it.
I am horrible with time management: Make sure that your margins on each side of the page are equally spaced…keeping in mind why you’re doing it each time.
I know there will be detractors to this concept as there were the last time, but I encourage you to try this if for no other reason…you’ve been trying everything else, why not try something different to get different results!
So, let me say that of course, of course, of course…this doesn’t solve all of your life’s problems, it may not even work for some people. Again my point here is to bring awareness to how we are reactive to life as opposed to proactive and this is what causes many of our life’s issues. You will encounter a lot less stress in your life approaching from this angle. It’s not that issues will not come to you…I promise they will but, isn’t driving a lot easier …now that you know how to drive?
Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it? No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages. Well guess what, you were.
This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments. The key is to first be a good listener. We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.
For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says. I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it. I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction. I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc. It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying. No, whoever said that was lying. Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist. Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two. A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.” They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.
The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?” “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something. You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.
The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic. This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?” Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.” Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.
When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages. The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.
So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them. They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.
That’s all for now. Happy communicating.
Sigh…Well unlike all of the stories I’ve heard up to now there’s not one reason that anyone cheats. However, the many reasons for cheating can be separated into two categories… you guessed it : Physical and Emotional.
Let me clarify these two behaviors quickly. The Physical is generally known as the aggressor, the alpha male/female, whereas the Emotional is known for being the passive or the quiet one. Unfortunately, it has been taught that being the physical is the ‘correct’ way to become successful in life…I wonder who perpetuated that idea. I disagree. The key to success is identifying and developing your strengths and applying them in the right place for the right purpose.
So, let’s start with the Emotional male/female. The emotional personality comes across as shy, quiet, the cool one, a good listener or even sensitive. The substructure of this behavior amounts to the lack of desire for confrontation creating the yes man/woman. They are called emotionals because they put their emotions in front to protect their physical bodies; such as bashfulness, embarrassment or simply silence. As it relates to sex, the emotional is normally waiting for the physical to make the move. So, if you find that the two of you do a lot of waiting for the other to make the first move, you’re probably both emotionals. This causes a tremendous amount of issues in the bedroom. The emotional needs to be warmed up first to have sex whereas the physical likes to jump right in feet first. If the emotional feels that their needs are not being satisfied, they’re not going to ‘confront’ the physical about it, they’re typically going to tell a friend. In the event that this friend is of the opposite sex, they’ll feel like someone actually listens to them and understands them. Unfortunately, they’re probably talking to another emotional who agrees with them and gives advice against the physical. This ultimately leads to affairs and the couple breaking up.
Now for the physical. The physical is the light-hearted socialite that never meets a stranger. They’re labeled physicals because their emotions are tied closely yo their physical actions. Unlike the emotional, they can curse you out one minute and be your friend again in the next. They’re erroneously called emotionals most times because of their flamboyant expressions of their feelings. They’re called go-getters, over-reactors, on the edge or quick-witted, bossy, short-tempered and all out physical. This is why the emotional turns away and wont continue to fight or argue with them. The physical mistakes this submission as a win, when in fact the emotional is internally making plans for revenge.When its time for the physical to have sex and the emotional turns them away, that doesn’t mean that the feeling went away. So, what do they do? They call up some friends head out to the bar and pick up another physical who likes to have sex as much as they do. However, the physical will not typically choose another physical to be in a relationship with…unless there’s money involved. That goes for both personalities actually.
So, at the end of the day, people cheat because of the lack of understanding what the other person needs in the relationship. If you knew how to communicate properly with your mate…you can get anything from them that you ever dreamed of. Now, this is not the end all be all of cheating but it is why most problems occur in the bedroom.
In closing, I’d like to stress that there is no right or wrong person in a relationship, there are only different ways of communicating our feelings. Both parties have to be willing to see it from the other side. Balance in a relationship comes from expressing your will their way or vice-versa.
In high school I was the quiet type. I envied the guys with the ‘silver tongue’ method of communicating; it seemed that they got all the women. Now I had my share of girlfriends don’t get me wrong, but compared to these guys I was a ranked amatuer. Most of the girls I dated was because they liked me first, then I’d learn to like them in return. It seemed that I was doomed to the left overs of these egotistical word smiths.
Until one day…I moved to a new city. I could create a new identity and become the personality I admired from a diistance. The city was overrun with beautiful single professional women. A friend told me that all I needed to get a woman here was a nice haircut…Ha. I was like a kid in a candy store…every size, shape or shade was there for the taking. I didn’t know where to begin. It didn’t matter, because in this city, the women were the agressors. I thought it was a fluke that nice looking women wanted to talk to me badly enough to innitiate conversation. Once it happened five more times…I was convenced that I’d died and gone to heaven. I never considered my self some god of good looks (and still don’t) but there were so many women that I was getting dates by default..lol. Subsequently my plan to become this A type personality was thwarted. Women actually liked that I was not like all the other guys that approached them…I was ‘different’ they’d say. I had no idea that this world existed but I liked it to say the least.
At the end of the day I learned that you don’t have to be someone else to be successful in life…you only need to put yourself where your personality would be most effective.
P.S. The silver tongue method can be taught.
Like to hang out and socialize but your mate always wants to stay home
Are the touchy-feely type and like to get close so people really understand you
Would like to…or do have sex three or more times a day
Are the first to speak when you think you know the answer
(Women) have more guy friends, play brothers and cousins than girl friends
(Men) need to hang out with the fellas at least twice a week
Would just like a quiet evening at home sometimes but your mate keeps pestering you to go out
After having sex would just like to be left alone
Like to just get to the point and can be spared the details
Like to wait a few days between sexual activities to allow the passion to rebuild
Really only have one true friend and you talk more to them about your problems than you do with your mate
Are terrified of being recognized in front of an audience
Most people thought that Brad and Jennifer made a great couple, unfortunately, they didn’t think so. In a recent interview, Brad expressed that the relationship was boring. I wonder why that was? Because they are both emotionals. Now look at how the relationship between he and Angelina is working out. Because…Angelina is a physical. You should consider this when choosing a mate, it will make your life a lot easier. Can you think of any other famous physical/emotionals… here are a few I’ve come up with.
President Obama – Emotional Michelle Obama – Physical
Will Smith – Emotional Jada – Physical
Stedman – Emotional Oprah – Physical
Kim – Emotional Kris – Physical
Tia -Emotional Tamara – Physical
Ochocinco – Physical Evelyn – Physical ……hmm
Nick – Emotional Mariah – Physical
Frazier – Emotional Ali – Physical