Physical (Over protective) Mother


Note: (This is the extreme case of this personality, also physical in this case means extrovert.) 

Dear Physical Mother,

Please put your child down and back away slowly… lol.  What a perfect mother you are.  Your attentiveness and your awareness of your child’s every move and thought are to be commended.  If more people would show the care and concern that you do for your child there’d be less room for random events occurring in the lives of our future societal custodians.  Your family looks nice, eats well and stays active in current events.  People mistake your love and attention for being over protective and they don’t understand that what goes on in ‘your’ house is none of their business. Your husband or boyfriend may tell you to stop baby-ing your child but your protective nature wards off any who dare challenge your authority.  Physical mother, thank you for your unconditional love.

That was the good part…

Here are some ways to enhance your home environment for the better.  First…there is a such thing as loving too much.  The undying love that you show to your child will ultimately result in hate and disdain from your child. Without autonomy (one’s ability to make decisions for themselves), your child will become dependent on you for most of their decision-making.  God forbid that anything should ever happen to you, your child will be left without a guide and will only then begin to grow up; unfortunately sometimes too late.  The resentment will come from them wanting to be left alone and not always having someone looking over their shoulder to see if they’re doing things right.  This also makes for an emotional (withdrawn) child or what most women hate…a momma’s boy.  Remember that in oder for two personalities to coexist, one has to make room for the other.  So, if your personality is huge and fills a room, you will only be surrounded by people whose personality can endure the weight of yours…or there’ll be problems.  What you’re meaning for good is resulting in a problem for someone else.  I know you’d say “that’s ok he/she can come back and live with me.”  Uh, stop that…that is not healthy for your child.

As it relates to a mate,  your mate ‘should’ again be someone who accommodates your personality.  This means the more of a physical that you are, the more of an emotional you’ll need to exist in peace.  It’s normally the physical woman who says, “I want a man who can handle me.” The type of man who could ‘handle’ you would be a physical.  The only problem with this scenario is that he’d try to turn you into an emotional (introvert or submissive)… that’s not going to workout too well for you.  The type of guy that would ‘balance’ you is the one that you probably can’t stand in a relationship but makes a great friend…the emotional.  Now if you’re wondering why most of the guys that you meet at the club don’t quite workout in long-term relationships, it’s because they’re just like you – a physical.  The type of guy that you really need is probably at home on the computer…yes I know you know the type.  This guy is the one that can settle you down when you’re too anxious.  He’s the voice of reason when things get out of control.  He’s not a loser or less than a man because he procrastinated when it comes to confronting challenging situations or making a payment arrangement for that matter.  He’s a thinker you’re the do-er.  He also doesn’t do confrontation well…this is why he normally backs down or walks away from any sign of an issue.  If we’d allow each person to play their role and not try to make them into ourselves  life would become a lot easier.

I’ll say this in closing; there is no right or wrong as it relates to each personality, there are only differences.  Physical mother I beg of you to balance your love and affection for your child and your mate.  Our gifts when not used correctly turn into curses.  Balance is the key to life and what better talents to balance than love and affection.

– Dehypnotize

P.S. The next post will be on the Emotional Mother…

The Emotional Father…


For anyone that has read my earlier posts, you know that when I say Emotional that means the introvert and the physical is the extrovert.  As I see the divorce rate climb and new marriage rate fall, I thought I’d discuss an issue that is most times overlooked when trying to find a cause for this trend.  This is my letter to the emotional father:

Dear Emotional Father,

Someone does get you.  The place of solitude where you reside is only mental incarceration when not used for positive means.  You are very thoughtful when others are not and although you don’t show it, you know that you care even more than most.  People don’t understand that your silence is your stress release and deny you your time to unwind.  They don’t understand that when the ride in the car gets quiet it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong it’s just that you’re thinking more intently about the conversation.  Your patience is unmatched and people always find you easy to talk to or a great listener.  Emotional father…I get it!

Now that we’ve established that, let me explain to you how to make your life a lot easier.  First of all in your home, you must, must, must become more verbal about your feelings toward your family!  You must, must, must begin to physically interact with your family more.  Wrestle, hug, kiss etc.  human beings need affection and physical contact to survive and someone has chosen to get that from you!  Although you may say I’m just not good with that, its only because that’s how you were taught to communicate (fake it till you make it).  Believe it or not you can become a more sociable person.  You will never change into a completely different person, but you can modify your behavior as it is now.  Your, daughter needs it, your son needs it, your wife needs it!  The alternative to this is to continue to have a disfunctional family.  Your wife and your child are doing things that you have no idea about because they’re keeping things inside ..just…like…you!

Would you agree that most arguments start with an issue but always end with how the other doesn’t know how to communicate?  What you’re each saying is that the other doesn’t know how to communicate the way that you do…and you’re right!  But that doesn’t make them wrong.  The wrong in these case is the lack of understanding what communication truly is.  Communication is saying what you want to a person the way they need to hear it.  It’s that simple.  This requires truly listening and getting an understanding of how the other person expresses themselves and stop calling them wrong for doing so.

So, I’ll close this by saying how we express our emotions are the beginning and end of all relationship woes.  If we’d first understand ourselves and how we express and receive information, we could then begin the process of understanding someone else.  At the end of the day, any issue that you have in your life , as it relates to communication, is only solved by changing yourself first!!!!

The Physical Father will be the next post…

Dehypnotize –

Related Topics: Emotional Mother, Physical (over protective) Father, Physical Mother

I Got Caught On FB


Once upon a long, long time ago  I started a FB conversation with a coworker. She dressed provocatively, was out spoken and needed to be the center of attention (physical) just like I like’em.  Our conversation began to escalate into flirting a little more each time we spoke until one day…

It was a cold rainy morning…my wife works from home so as was her normal routine; she got up, performed her morning duties and went downstairs to her office.  I figured I’d get a few more minutes before logging onto FB to chat with a ‘friend’, then head off to work myself.  Upon, logging into my account, it seems that I’m already having a conversation with my ‘friend’ and its been going on for a while now.  “Oh my god,” I think to myself.

I immediately type into the chat: Hey, I gotta run I’ll talk to you later.  As I started to read all the posts my heart raced faster.  A lump swelled in my throat as I tried to swallow the realization of what was to come.  By a hair’s width of saving grace, I had only been having topical flirtatious conversation with her…up to that point.  However, this didn’t curb the enthusiasm of chaos that would ensue. As you can guess, I was torn a new one.  It took several months before we were able to totally resolve that issue because…I got caught talking to her again! (Smh)  I was actually trying to break it off with her gently, but she wasn’t having it.  Finally, I had to become rude to get the point across.

Now I knew I was wrong, so why, why did I feel the need to cause such mayhem in my home?  What was it about this girl who made me willing to sacrifice all that I had just for conversation?  It was the thrill of sneaking that FB provides that overwhelms logical thought. Well, after not speaking to her for a while I saw her again in passing.  She looked totally different to me than she did when we first met.  The conversation was less than exciting and I got this feeling of…”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” The thrill was gone.  The taboo that once was, was no more.  It made me stop to think of how many times I’ve actually met some one that I was loony over at first, that later turned out to be just another person with issues like me.

See, our emotions are very powerful and very tricky.  They can make you see things that aren’t really there, feel things that you can’t explain and cause us to act out in very unusual manners.  Nothing is stronger to us than our emotions so, in order to control them, you have to out smart them.  Know your areas of weakness and avoid situations that allow your weaknesses to manifest themselves.

I am happy to say that, that was the last FB incident and I have started to see things from the end of the situation to the beginning.  That was a task let me tell you.  I’m no different than anyone else, I can be as good as the best of them or as bad as the worst…I only ‘choose’ to be better now.  If we could all see the consequences of our actions before we make these decisions…our lives would be a lot better off.  The funny thing is for the most part we could if we only tried and put our emotions and feelings on punishment.  Bad emotions! Bad!

Thanks for listening

-Dehypnotize

Language Art (The art of Language)


Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it?  No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages.  Well guess what, you were.

This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments.  The key is to first be a good listener.  We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.

For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says.  I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it.  I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction.  I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc.  It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying.  No, whoever said that was lying.  Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist.  Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two.  A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.”  They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.

The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?”  “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something.  You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.

The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic.  This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?”  Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.”  Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.

When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages.  The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.

So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them.  They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.

That’s all for now.  Happy communicating.

– Dehypnotize

You might be…ll


If you…

Like to  hang out and socialize but your mate always wants to stay home

Are the touchy-feely type and like to get close so people really understand you

Would like to…or do have sex three or more times a day

Are the first to speak when you think you know the answer

(Women) have more guy friends, play brothers and cousins than girl friends

(Men) need to hang out with the fellas at least twice a week

PHYSICAL

If you…

Would just like a quiet evening at home sometimes but your mate keeps pestering you to go out

After having sex would just like to be left alone

Like to just get to the point and can be spared the details

Like to wait a few days between sexual activities to allow the passion to rebuild

Really only have one true friend and you talk more to them about your problems than you do with your mate

Are terrified of being recognized in front of an audience

EMOTIONAL

Most people thought that Brad and Jennifer made a great couple, unfortunately, they didn’t think so.  In a recent interview, Brad expressed that the relationship was boring.  I wonder why that was?  Because they are both emotionals.  Now look at how the relationship between he and Angelina is working out.  Because…Angelina is a physical.  You should consider this when choosing a mate, it will make your life a lot easier.  Can you think of any other famous physical/emotionals… here are a few I’ve come up with.

President Obama – Emotional       Michelle Obama – Physical

Will Smith – Emotional                   Jada – Physical

Stedman – Emotional                      Oprah – Physical

Kim – Emotional                              Kris – Physical

Tia -Emotional                                 Tamara – Physical

Ochocinco – Physical                       Evelyn – Physical ……hmm

Nick – Emotional                              Mariah – Physical

Frazier – Emotional                          Ali – Physical

Do Men Have Cylces?


     As it relates to mood and sex,….sigh…yes, men do in fact have cycles.  In the emotionally sexual male it appears, at times, as a lack of interest in their partner.  It’s expressed as an over-active sex drive in the physically sexual male. By the way, women fall into one or the other category as well.

     Let’s start with the emotional.  As it relates to sex, the emotional operates somewhat like a battery; after being used, he may require time to recharge.  That’s not to say that they can’t perform everyday, it’s just not likely to be the same enegy level each time.  Each person’s cycle is different.  They could be on a 1-7 day cycle or more as I recently discovered while working with a client. 

     The emotional is typically not up for physical touch after sex.  They’ve had their fill of physical contact for that moment.  Touch feels irritating to them and their bodies may even tend to be cold, until their next cycle day.  So, how do you know when that ‘cycle day is?  When they begin to show more interest in you physically that’s a good indicator.  That’s when their batteries have fully recharged and they’re ready.

    Why is that?  Well, emotional’s are not as ’emotionally’ connected to their bodies as the physicals are; remember they internalize and analyze their feelings.  Therefore, the mind has to rejuvenate the body.  During this time don’t expect a lot of affection or attention… they are not ‘feeling it’. 

     The physical on the other hand expresses their emotions with their body so you may find that they can do it five times a day or more in some cases.  They don’t mind cuddling afterwards either, for the most part.  The cycle of the physical is much more frequent than that of the emotional.  They typically don’t ‘release’ as much as the emotional each time and are therefore able to release multiple times.  That’s not to say (again) that there’ll be fireworks each time; it’s just that its possible to do it.  The physical may become very irritated if they’re not able to release all of this energy within their cycle time frame; but more importantly, their physical body’s will display signs of stress… really.

      The key here is to understand your own behaviour or cycle in an effort to get it into sync with your partner’s.  The physical could indeed influence the emotional’s cycle by only approaching them only on their cycle days; which will require something that the physical typically runs short on…patience.  However, the sex will be ten times better, from there start approaching one day earlier and take the time to get them ‘warmed up’.  So now a seven-day cycle becomes a six-day and so on…

     In closing, no matter who or what you ultimately choose to be in relationship with, they’re going to be your opposite; that’s what attracted you to them.  This means that there will be issues. No Matter What!  So if you know this before hand, why not be prepared to solve them creatively as opposed to allowing your differences to end what always starts as a beautiful romance.

– Thanks Dr. Kappas

T Scott

Can You Relate


     How many times have we heard that the most important thing in a relationship is communication?  Now, how many times have we been told what that means specifically?

    The concept of physical and emotional behavior created by Dr. John Kappas Ph.D, will allow us to understand more clearly what communication has meant to you and what it could mean to you going foward. You’ll wonder why no one has been talking about this before now.

     This concept is based on two individuals in a relationship described as dating, married, family friends  etc.  This includes traditional and same-sex relationships a like.  We traditionally have called these behaviors passive or aggressive however, this limits our understanding of what truly lies below the surface.

     Let’s begin with the emotional. We’d normally apply this type of behavior to women when in fact men or women may  display these same characteristics.  I’ll start by exposing differences between the two personalities then I’ll get into what these differences mean. 

     Who’s the person in your relationship that is normally the first to walk away from the argument and reply “Fine, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”? Who’s the one that is always complaining about being cut off during the argument? Who seems to be the most indecisive? Here’s a good one; who’s the one that’s always looking for the meaning behind the words or always trying to read between the lines? Do you see how these could apply to male of female?  These are just a few of the characteristics of  the emotional behavior.

     The Physical.  The physical is the one in the relationship that has to be the boss.  They’re normally the outgoing type.  They like to get all in your space when they’re talking.  They have to touch to communicate. They’re often accused of speaking without thinking or simply speaking too much.  They’re typically very fashion conscious.  Again this could apply to male or female.

     For some unknown reason, these two opposites attract each other and try to change one into the other… This is the beginning of all relationship issues!  Simply put, it’s not until we understand ourselves can we understand ourselves in a relationship. 

Stay tuned to learn more about how these personalities are developed and how they play off of each other.

T Scott