It’s been said that an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. This will not show every reason or cure for abuse, I only hope to offer a pound of prevention for those who have or may suffer from abuse at the hands of a so called loved one.
If you’ve dated more than one person in your life, you know by now that everyone has at least two sides to them. The one they introduce you to and the one they actually are. This in and of itself is not a bad thing as we all would like someone that we’re interested in to see the best side of us. But how can we see the end from the beginning? It requires understanding yourself first! The type of person that you are determines the type of people that are attracted to you. Even the most beautiful girl with a rotten attitude will turn off most guys and conversely a not so attractive woman with a pleasant attitude increases her chances of finding a qualified mate. Most controlling men (Physicals) are not attracted to bossy (Physical) women for relationship purposes. It does happen but the relationship normally doesn’t last very long…typically due to violence.
So, in the dating game here’s how to identify a potential abuser. Someone that is ‘extremely’ nice to you and says all of the right things, calls every hour on the hour to shower you with compliments should be your first warning sign. Someone that is extremely nice on one side can be extremely dangerous on the other. If this person is a drinker and they most likely are, this is another indicator. If you were busy and couldn’t answer your phone when they called and they seem to be unreasonably disturbed by this, this is another indicator. All of these are the characteristics of an ‘extreme’ Physical. Stop making excuses for them and tricking yourself into believing that they do this because you’re so fine. This is a control mechanism that shows itself as flattery…at first.
Emotionals can be abusive as well. Here is how the Emotional becomes this way. They’re normally in a relationship with a Physical (male or female) and the Physical is not as tactful when expressing their feelings about an issue they’re having with their mate. The Emotional is notorious for taking things the wrong way so it makes a bad situation worse when they’re actually right about what’s being said to them. Physicals ‘can’ be very degrading and insensitive without even being in an argument. But when they are in a heated argument it can get even worse. They will get as close to you as possible, yell, scream, bite, kick, punch and will use any other physical means of getting their point across available. The Emotional typically doesn’t respond right away to this behavior but instead is keeping track of all of the incidents and name calling along the way. After internalizing these feelings for so long, one day the Physical may ask a simple question and a nuclear explosion results. The Emotional is extremely dangerous in this situation because they’ll let out all of the frustration that they’ve been holding in since it first begin. They even feel justified by doing so because they feel that they’ve given the Physical enough warnings to change their behavior but they continued to badger them. Please remember that silence is not an indication of being a coward.
Drugs and alcohol also play an extreme role in these situations. alcohol makes a person more of a Physical than normal; look at the behavior of a person who’s had too much to drink. They become loud and obnoxious, they keep touching all over you, they’re extremely happy or sad and their tempers are on display at the first sign of trouble. This is why there are so many fights in bar environments. Marijuana has more of an Emotional effect on behavior. Let’s look at what happens when a person smokes. They become very lazy, they put everything off until the next day, they analyze the sun, the moon, the lights, the wall, how they breathe and so on. Everything to them is happening in a slower motion, they even talk slower.
Abuse is wrong no matter who’s administering it, male or female, physical or verbal. It’s probably too much to ask for people to seek help with controlling their emotions so I’m only trying to give you a heads up on how to identify potential hazards. If you notice any of these extreme characteristics in someone that you’re interested in…run! They don’t get better, they only get worse especially if you’ve already allowed it to happen once.
Just as a side note, ‘extreme’ Physicals are the stalker type. If you tell them no, they come on even stronger…’because they love you so much’. Don’t fall for the I’m sorries and it won’t happen agains. It’s not that people don’t change, it’s just that they normally can not change without getting professional help.
I hope this was helpful.
Call for help if you’re a victim of abuse. 800.621.HOPE(4673).