The Emotional Mother


(Note: Emotional in this case means passive or passive aggressive. This is also the extreme case for this behavior.)

Emotional Mother…(smh).  Ms. Independent, long-suffering, meek and soft-spoken.  Your sensitive ways make you more aware of your surroundings by magnifying all that you encounter. You seem slow to respond as you over analyze your every thought and tactical move.  Your sarcasm is typically the result of you feeling attacked in someway and is then used as a weapon not a tool.  Always needing to be in control of your emotions, you think your way past your feelings.  You seem crude, stuck up, prudish  anti-social and sometimes just down right weird to those who don’t get you…which is going to be a good majority of people.

Your husband is ‘probably’ the ‘Physical’ male, who by his very nature, is away most of the time.  Although you’d like for him to be at home more you don’t want to seem like you’re nagging him all the time.  Besides, everyone needs there alone time right?  Your patience allows you to deal with work, home and your social life because you’re a solid rock… a solid rock with a tumor growing inside of it.  Suppression of your emotional responses is not healthy for anyone in the relationship.  You’re a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to do one more thing before you unleash shock and awe.

When we express ourselves, we release energy and just like energy, what we release can be positive or negative.   Talking can also be therapeutic by the way of releasing stress.  Because you’re not outwardly expressive you give others the opportunity to define or label you as they see you.  Now, please don’t tell me that you don’t care what people think about you…ultimately we all care what others think of us.  What you think that others are thinking of you, they’re probably not and if you’d communicate your true feelings more you’d find that people will begin to respond to you differently.  Sarcasm, though short and sweet, is normally packed with various sharp objects for doing considerable harm to its intended victim.  Adding sugar to a razor blade doesn’t stop it from cutting if swallowed.  Everyone is not against you or out to get you.  This is also very important to know, the physical male/female may come across as not caring about your feelings but this is not the case.  They really do care, they just don’t hold on to issues the way that you do.  Once it’s over, it’s over.  You may have been told this before, “Get over it already that was last year!”  You really should let it go, holding on causes more harm than good.

Lastly, I like to think of our peersonalities as ‘super powers’ and when trained will allow us to achieve incredible feats in our lives.  So, the next time someone calls you too sensitive, remember that the root word of sensitive is sense; as in our five senses.  Take this as a compliment meaning that you hear, see, taste, smell and feel things more intensely than most.  But what good is it to have all of these intense feelings  if you’re not going to share them with anyone?

-Dehypnotize

Physical (Over protective) Mother


Note: (This is the extreme case of this personality, also physical in this case means extrovert.) 

Dear Physical Mother,

Please put your child down and back away slowly… lol.  What a perfect mother you are.  Your attentiveness and your awareness of your child’s every move and thought are to be commended.  If more people would show the care and concern that you do for your child there’d be less room for random events occurring in the lives of our future societal custodians.  Your family looks nice, eats well and stays active in current events.  People mistake your love and attention for being over protective and they don’t understand that what goes on in ‘your’ house is none of their business. Your husband or boyfriend may tell you to stop baby-ing your child but your protective nature wards off any who dare challenge your authority.  Physical mother, thank you for your unconditional love.

That was the good part…

Here are some ways to enhance your home environment for the better.  First…there is a such thing as loving too much.  The undying love that you show to your child will ultimately result in hate and disdain from your child. Without autonomy (one’s ability to make decisions for themselves), your child will become dependent on you for most of their decision-making.  God forbid that anything should ever happen to you, your child will be left without a guide and will only then begin to grow up; unfortunately sometimes too late.  The resentment will come from them wanting to be left alone and not always having someone looking over their shoulder to see if they’re doing things right.  This also makes for an emotional (withdrawn) child or what most women hate…a momma’s boy.  Remember that in oder for two personalities to coexist, one has to make room for the other.  So, if your personality is huge and fills a room, you will only be surrounded by people whose personality can endure the weight of yours…or there’ll be problems.  What you’re meaning for good is resulting in a problem for someone else.  I know you’d say “that’s ok he/she can come back and live with me.”  Uh, stop that…that is not healthy for your child.

As it relates to a mate,  your mate ‘should’ again be someone who accommodates your personality.  This means the more of a physical that you are, the more of an emotional you’ll need to exist in peace.  It’s normally the physical woman who says, “I want a man who can handle me.” The type of man who could ‘handle’ you would be a physical.  The only problem with this scenario is that he’d try to turn you into an emotional (introvert or submissive)… that’s not going to workout too well for you.  The type of guy that would ‘balance’ you is the one that you probably can’t stand in a relationship but makes a great friend…the emotional.  Now if you’re wondering why most of the guys that you meet at the club don’t quite workout in long-term relationships, it’s because they’re just like you – a physical.  The type of guy that you really need is probably at home on the computer…yes I know you know the type.  This guy is the one that can settle you down when you’re too anxious.  He’s the voice of reason when things get out of control.  He’s not a loser or less than a man because he procrastinated when it comes to confronting challenging situations or making a payment arrangement for that matter.  He’s a thinker you’re the do-er.  He also doesn’t do confrontation well…this is why he normally backs down or walks away from any sign of an issue.  If we’d allow each person to play their role and not try to make them into ourselves  life would become a lot easier.

I’ll say this in closing; there is no right or wrong as it relates to each personality, there are only differences.  Physical mother I beg of you to balance your love and affection for your child and your mate.  Our gifts when not used correctly turn into curses.  Balance is the key to life and what better talents to balance than love and affection.

– Dehypnotize

P.S. The next post will be on the Emotional Mother…

I Got Caught On FB


Once upon a long, long time ago  I started a FB conversation with a coworker. She dressed provocatively, was out spoken and needed to be the center of attention (physical) just like I like’em.  Our conversation began to escalate into flirting a little more each time we spoke until one day…

It was a cold rainy morning…my wife works from home so as was her normal routine; she got up, performed her morning duties and went downstairs to her office.  I figured I’d get a few more minutes before logging onto FB to chat with a ‘friend’, then head off to work myself.  Upon, logging into my account, it seems that I’m already having a conversation with my ‘friend’ and its been going on for a while now.  “Oh my god,” I think to myself.

I immediately type into the chat: Hey, I gotta run I’ll talk to you later.  As I started to read all the posts my heart raced faster.  A lump swelled in my throat as I tried to swallow the realization of what was to come.  By a hair’s width of saving grace, I had only been having topical flirtatious conversation with her…up to that point.  However, this didn’t curb the enthusiasm of chaos that would ensue. As you can guess, I was torn a new one.  It took several months before we were able to totally resolve that issue because…I got caught talking to her again! (Smh)  I was actually trying to break it off with her gently, but she wasn’t having it.  Finally, I had to become rude to get the point across.

Now I knew I was wrong, so why, why did I feel the need to cause such mayhem in my home?  What was it about this girl who made me willing to sacrifice all that I had just for conversation?  It was the thrill of sneaking that FB provides that overwhelms logical thought. Well, after not speaking to her for a while I saw her again in passing.  She looked totally different to me than she did when we first met.  The conversation was less than exciting and I got this feeling of…”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” The thrill was gone.  The taboo that once was, was no more.  It made me stop to think of how many times I’ve actually met some one that I was loony over at first, that later turned out to be just another person with issues like me.

See, our emotions are very powerful and very tricky.  They can make you see things that aren’t really there, feel things that you can’t explain and cause us to act out in very unusual manners.  Nothing is stronger to us than our emotions so, in order to control them, you have to out smart them.  Know your areas of weakness and avoid situations that allow your weaknesses to manifest themselves.

I am happy to say that, that was the last FB incident and I have started to see things from the end of the situation to the beginning.  That was a task let me tell you.  I’m no different than anyone else, I can be as good as the best of them or as bad as the worst…I only ‘choose’ to be better now.  If we could all see the consequences of our actions before we make these decisions…our lives would be a lot better off.  The funny thing is for the most part we could if we only tried and put our emotions and feelings on punishment.  Bad emotions! Bad!

Thanks for listening

-Dehypnotize

Language Art (The art of Language)


Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it?  No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages.  Well guess what, you were.

This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments.  The key is to first be a good listener.  We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.

For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says.  I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it.  I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction.  I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc.  It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying.  No, whoever said that was lying.  Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist.  Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two.  A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.”  They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.

The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?”  “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something.  You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.

The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic.  This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?”  Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.”  Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.

When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages.  The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.

So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them.  They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.

That’s all for now.  Happy communicating.

– Dehypnotize

The Silver Tongue


In high school I was the quiet type.  I envied the guys with the ‘silver tongue’ method of communicating; it seemed that they got all the women.  Now I had my share of girlfriends don’t get me wrong, but compared to these guys I was a ranked amatuer.  Most of the girls I dated was because they liked me first, then I’d learn to like them in return.  It seemed that I was doomed to the left overs of these egotistical word smiths. 

Until one day…I moved to a new city.  I could create a new identity and become the personality I admired from a diistance.  The city was overrun with beautiful single professional women.  A friend told me that all I needed to get a woman here was a nice haircut…Ha.  I was like a kid in a candy store…every size, shape or shade was there for the taking.  I didn’t know where to begin.  It didn’t matter, because in this city, the women were the agressors.  I thought it was a fluke that  nice looking women wanted to talk to me badly enough to innitiate conversation.  Once it happened five more times…I was convenced that I’d died and gone to heaven.  I never considered my self some god of good looks (and still don’t) but there were so many women that I was getting dates by default..lol.  Subsequently my plan to become this A type personality was thwarted.  Women actually liked that I was not like all the other guys that approached them…I was ‘different’ they’d say.  I had no idea that this world existed but I liked it to say the least.

At the end of the day I learned that you don’t have to be someone else to be successful in life…you only need to put yourself where your personality would be most effective.

P.S. The silver tongue method can be taught.

– Dehypnotize

The Book Of Life


My wife and I were recently browsing the internet and decided to type our names in to see what came up… wow! Are you kidding me?  I found things that I didn’t even know about myself.  Things long forgotten began to surface.  Places I’d lived, pictures of family outings, I mean my entire life since the beginning of the internet age and before was looking back at me from this computer screen.

There was a man by the name of Edgar Cayce aka the sleeping prophet, he was known for having what we call psychic abilities.  Prominent indivuals of the time would stand in line for a chance to ask question about whatever they could think of; including Thomas Edison and Woodrow Wilson.  Cayce was a devout Christian who practiced hypnosis as a means of communicating with the ‘other side’.  When asked where he was retrieving this information, he replied, “the Akashic Records”.  For anyone not familiar with this term,

The akashic records (akasha is a Sanskrit word meaning “sky“, “space” or “aether“) is a term used in theosophy (and Anthroposophy) to describe a compendium of mystical knowledge encoded in a non-physical plane of existence. These records are described as containing all knowledge of human experience and the history of the cosmos.  People who describe the records assert that they are constantly updated automatically and that they can be accessed through astral projection[1] or when someone is placed under deep hypnosis.(Wikipedia)

This cosmic computer is referred to in many religions as the Book of Life.  It is an account of all that we’ve done since birth.  Why, pray tell is there a record being kept of all that we do in our lives?  Are we hoping to go back and relive those times?  Is it just for reminding us of where we come from?  Wanna know what I think?…of course you do…lol.  I think that just as it is termed the ‘Uni-verse’ (one collection of words) we are all only vibrations of sound traveling through the vacuum of space leaving our imprints as we go.

We write our own stories everyday oblivious to the fact that one day someone is going to read them.

Bi-Focals


Have you ever thought about the fact that the only thing that separates how we feel on the inside from what we express on the outside is merely a very thin layer of skin…and for some of us hair.  Our eyes and ears record the stories of our lives.

Speaking of eyes, let’s start there. The eyes are like the lens of a camera and the brain a recording device. What the eyes see, the brain records for current or later use. Our brains are so powerful that we’re recording more than we can actually keep up with, but it’s still being recorded. The ears are the other key contributor here; they’re a function all to themselves.  You could very well be looking at someone but hear something completely different than what they said.  Now, the most intriguing part of this process to me is the transition between what went in and what comes out.  How we interpret and process what goes into us is what our lives are really all about. Its like we’re our own photo processing centers since no two people can physically see the same thing the same way; there become an infinite number of ways to see the same thing. So throughout our lives we’re constantly recording and storing data and emitting our interpretations of this data all over everyone else. Why do you think that is?

I see our minds as a sort of vortex. A place that an infinite amount of possibilities and realities all exist in the same place at the same time. However, what’s happening on the inside is affected by what’s going on outside. In other words aren’t we only products of what surrounds us?  All of our ups and downs are based on the environment that we find ourselves in; conversely the environment that we’re in is based on our decision to be there which was influenced by how we felt…

As I sit and write this blog I’m trying to get out of me the interpretation of a feeling that was created by afects around me as well.  There’s a riddle here to be solved.  How do I gain control of the world that is within when its being influenced by the world without?  Since babies we have strived to express what we felt inside to the world outside.  We dress up in our lies each morning and try to show that we have control over ourselves when just behind that thin layer of skin a plethera of feelings, thoughts and beliefs are dying to be exposed.

As I watch the process of the calamity that erodes the sanctity of the land in the Middle East, at times I almost find it funny how two peoples with (I’d put money on it) very similar DNA sequences, could hate one another so feverently.  This is all based on their belief systems and their insistance that everyone else possess the same.  We don’t even have to go that far to see this same behavior.  In our own homes, aren’t arguments simply that one person sees things differently than the other?

Time has a funny way of revealing things and it’s finally revealed to me that life is just the way we see it….