Lust is a passionate or overmastering desire or craving….(Physically)
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment… (Emotionally)
Lust is a passionate or overmastering desire or craving….(Physically)
Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment… (Emotionally)
Although they have different meanings, these are both emotions that affect us in the short or long term. Lust takes control of our senses and won’t allow them to function properly; in other words lust is matter over mind. I think lust can be a good thing when it’s used correctly. I don’t subscribe to the idea that I was given the ability to feel extreme passion but if I feel it, it’s wrong.
As described in the definition, lust has to do with passion and passion is typically momentary. It’s not that you can be passionate about something over and over but it’s only in the moment that you feel it. The word itself comes with a negative stigma, placed there by someone who didn’t feel comfortable being overcome with passion. The problem with being overcome with passion is the decision-making process that follows. Typically there isn’t one. Once you’ve surrendered control to your feelings, logic takes a vacation; at least until the next morning.
Lust can make us do some silly things but love will make you do even worse things. This is why is hard for me to grasp the idea of love at first sight. In my opinion, there is no such thing. You can be extremely attracted to a person at first sight; however love is something that has to be built over time. This feeling gets confused with love often due to the ‘overmastering’ affect that it has on our emotions. I do believe that you can lust for a person and then grow to love them.
Love is like gravity, it’s comes across as a weak force but it’s ultimately what holds everything together. No matter how high our emotions may take us, love has a away of bringing us back to Earth. Love takes time because it requires understanding and this comes by way of experience; so how can you understand someone you don’t know or haven’t experienced?
So, don’t take the word love for granted, it is an investment of time, energy, sacrifice and so much more. Lust is simply a momentary feeling that once it’s gone has to be recreated by some other means. I believe that it causes more harm than good to tell ourselves that we’re wrong for having these feelings. Or better still that there’s a devil out there that’s causing us to feel the way we do. Just a bit of research would reveal why we see lust the way we do now; or why we view sex the way we do now.
If there is any wrong, it’s not understanding that these are human emotions and we all have them. The goal should be learning how and when to use them. If someone or something else causes your behavior, then you have no way of changing. However, when we take responsibility for our own actions change becomes inevitable.
This is a common phrase used by many men to describe the type of woman they consider to be marriage material. Women will also say they want a sensitive man that knows how to get a little rough when the moment calls for it. In each of these scenarios, what’s being described is a person of balance.
This is an example of an Emotional suggestible and a Physical sexual. This is a woman who carries herself in a more conservative fashion while out in public but is unstoppable in the bedroom. Most men will go for the quiet passive type for long-term relationship purposes but they’ll cheat on her with the ‘freak in the sheets’ type. This is where the idea that men are never satisfied comes from. No matter how much the main girl does at home it’s never enough. Why is this? It’s because the very thing that makes her a conservative in public makes her conservative at home. The Emotional sexual is not connected to their physical body the way the Physical sexual is. She needs to be warmed up before jumping right into sex, this brings their feelings to the surface. She’s normally not a risk taker and will chastise him for being too much of a risk taker. The man becomes frustrated by her lack of sexual energy and the ‘I don’t do that type of thing’ attitude and will find someone else who will ‘do that type of thing’. She finds out that he’s cheating, will not understand why and begins to blame herself for his actions or just tells him to get out and the
relationship is destroyed.
Now, none of this applies if you’re not in a serious relationship or marriage. However, if you are looking to be with this person for the rest of your life, there will have to be some changes. Just because you decide that since you’ve never done a particular thing that you never will doesn’t mean that your mate is going to say “Oh ok, then I don’t want to do it either”. It’s just like squeezing a water balloon, the bubble will just pop up somewhere else. So, aside from causing physical harm to yourself or going against your morals there should not be anything that you wouldn’t do for one another; especially if you’re married. Imagine living the rest of your life not being able to get what you want from the person you love just because they don’t want to…not a good feeling. If you’d like to bring scripture into this look up (Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled”). Chastity before marriage is great but chastity after marriage is a disaster.
There is more to this story such as the man that doesn’t want intimacy as much as the woman or how much is too much, but I’m trying to keep this as short as possible. So the bottom line is, once you’ve found that special someone, go all out for them as they should be going all out for you. This way they don’t even have the energy to see the freak in the streets.
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Here’s how communication gets twisted in most conversations. The Physical hears or learns by literal communication but speaks with an inferred language and at length. Conversely, the Emotional hears/learns through inferred language but speaks literally and with very little words. The trick here though is that you can be an emotional suggestible (how you learn) and a physical sexual (how you act). This means that a person could come across as being quiet and shy until you get to know them and then you’re like, “What happened to that shy person I met?” This is incongruent behavior and it normally has unintended consequences. In this case, the physical is attracted to what he thinks is an emotional only to find that he’s in a relationship with himself. Or in the case where the emotional presents himself as outgoing and sociable only to get into the relationship and become the hermit that he truly is.
Where does this behavior come from? Mostly from our parents but of course our environments play a major role as well. If one parent is an extreme Physical, the other is likely an extreme Emotional…they’d have to be. The child will pick up the extreme trait of both parents and shape it into some sort of blend of the two. If they learn to accept this as normal behavior they will replicate this in their own relationship and will never get why they don’t work. There are options, either work on balancing your/their behavior or find someone who’s just as incongruent as you in the opposite behavior and somehow this stuff works out.So the next time you get into an argument with someone step back and ask yourself, ” Am I being too Physical or too Emotional?” The key to effective communication is understanding how the OTHER person communicates. This only allows you to get your point across more effectively if that’s what you’re trying to do…
He never wants to go out
He goes out too much
He never compliments me
He’s a liar and a cheater
All he talks about is work
He doesn’t talk to me at all
He’s financially irresponsible
He’s a Momma’s boy
He doesn’t like to ‘do it’ as much as I do
He wants to do it too much
Also, read the earlier posts on the Physical vs. Emotional so this will make more sense. I hope this helps a little. There’s no magic cure for any situation but taking this approach allows you more control of yourself (stress) and ultimately your situation.
(photo credit – sciencephoto library)
(Note: Emotional in this case means passive or passive aggressive. This is also the extreme case for this behavior.)
Emotional Mother…(smh). Ms. Independent, long-suffering, meek and soft-spoken. Your sensitive ways make you more aware of your surroundings by magnifying all that you encounter. You seem slow to respond as you over analyze your every thought and tactical move. Your sarcasm is typically the result of you feeling attacked in someway and is then used as a weapon not a tool. Always needing to be in control of your emotions, you think your way past your feelings. You seem crude, stuck up, prudish anti-social and sometimes just down right weird to those who don’t get you…which is going to be a good majority of people.
Your husband is ‘probably’ the ‘Physical’ male, who by his very nature, is away most of the time. Although you’d like for him to be at home more you don’t want to seem like you’re nagging him all the time. Besides, everyone needs there alone time right? Your patience allows you to deal with work, home and your social life because you’re a solid rock… a solid rock with a tumor growing inside of it. Suppression of your emotional responses is not healthy for anyone in the relationship. You’re a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to do one more thing before you unleash shock and awe.
When we express ourselves, we release energy and just like energy, what we release can be positive or negative. Talking can also be therapeutic by the way of releasing stress. Because you’re not outwardly expressive you give others the opportunity to define or label you as they see you. Now, please don’t tell me that you don’t care what people think about you…ultimately we all care what others think of us. What you think that others are thinking of you, they’re probably not and if you’d communicate your true feelings more you’d find that people will begin to respond to you differently. Sarcasm, though short and sweet, is normally packed with various sharp objects for doing considerable harm to its intended victim. Adding sugar to a razor blade doesn’t stop it from cutting if swallowed. Everyone is not against you or out to get you. This is also very important to know, the physical male/female may come across as not caring about your feelings but this is not the case. They really do care, they just don’t hold on to issues the way that you do. Once it’s over, it’s over. You may have been told this before, “Get over it already that was last year!” You really should let it go, holding on causes more harm than good.
Lastly, I like to think of our peersonalities as ‘super powers’ and when trained will allow us to achieve incredible feats in our lives. So, the next time someone calls you too sensitive, remember that the root word of sensitive is sense; as in our five senses. Take this as a compliment meaning that you hear, see, taste, smell and feel things more intensely than most. But what good is it to have all of these intense feelings if you’re not going to share them with anyone?
Once upon a long, long time ago I started a FB conversation with a coworker. She dressed provocatively, was out spoken and needed to be the center of attention (physical) just like I like’em. Our conversation began to escalate into flirting a little more each time we spoke until one day…
It was a cold rainy morning…my wife works from home so as was her normal routine; she got up, performed her morning duties and went downstairs to her office. I figured I’d get a few more minutes before logging onto FB to chat with a ‘friend’, then head off to work myself. Upon, logging into my account, it seems that I’m already having a conversation with my ‘friend’ and its been going on for a while now. “Oh my god,” I think to myself.
I immediately type into the chat: Hey, I gotta run I’ll talk to you later. As I started to read all the posts my heart raced faster. A lump swelled in my throat as I tried to swallow the realization of what was to come. By a hair’s width of saving grace, I had only been having topical flirtatious conversation with her…up to that point. However, this didn’t curb the enthusiasm of chaos that would ensue. As you can guess, I was torn a new one. It took several months before we were able to totally resolve that issue because…I got caught talking to her again! (Smh) I was actually trying to break it off with her gently, but she wasn’t having it. Finally, I had to become rude to get the point across.
Now I knew I was wrong, so why, why did I feel the need to cause such mayhem in my home? What was it about this girl who made me willing to sacrifice all that I had just for conversation? It was the thrill of sneaking that FB provides that overwhelms logical thought. Well, after not speaking to her for a while I saw her again in passing. She looked totally different to me than she did when we first met. The conversation was less than exciting and I got this feeling of…”This is what I was getting into trouble for?” The thrill was gone. The taboo that once was, was no more. It made me stop to think of how many times I’ve actually met some one that I was loony over at first, that later turned out to be just another person with issues like me.
See, our emotions are very powerful and very tricky. They can make you see things that aren’t really there, feel things that you can’t explain and cause us to act out in very unusual manners. Nothing is stronger to us than our emotions so, in order to control them, you have to out smart them. Know your areas of weakness and avoid situations that allow your weaknesses to manifest themselves.
I am happy to say that, that was the last FB incident and I have started to see things from the end of the situation to the beginning. That was a task let me tell you. I’m no different than anyone else, I can be as good as the best of them or as bad as the worst…I only ‘choose’ to be better now. If we could all see the consequences of our actions before we make these decisions…our lives would be a lot better off. The funny thing is for the most part we could if we only tried and put our emotions and feelings on punishment. Bad emotions! Bad!
Thanks for listening
In high school I was the quiet type. I envied the guys with the ‘silver tongue’ method of communicating; it seemed that they got all the women. Now I had my share of girlfriends don’t get me wrong, but compared to these guys I was a ranked amatuer. Most of the girls I dated was because they liked me first, then I’d learn to like them in return. It seemed that I was doomed to the left overs of these egotistical word smiths.
Until one day…I moved to a new city. I could create a new identity and become the personality I admired from a diistance. The city was overrun with beautiful single professional women. A friend told me that all I needed to get a woman here was a nice haircut…Ha. I was like a kid in a candy store…every size, shape or shade was there for the taking. I didn’t know where to begin. It didn’t matter, because in this city, the women were the agressors. I thought it was a fluke that nice looking women wanted to talk to me badly enough to innitiate conversation. Once it happened five more times…I was convenced that I’d died and gone to heaven. I never considered my self some god of good looks (and still don’t) but there were so many women that I was getting dates by default..lol. Subsequently my plan to become this A type personality was thwarted. Women actually liked that I was not like all the other guys that approached them…I was ‘different’ they’d say. I had no idea that this world existed but I liked it to say the least.
At the end of the day I learned that you don’t have to be someone else to be successful in life…you only need to put yourself where your personality would be most effective.
P.S. The silver tongue method can be taught.